Well here we are, one week away from Pelotonia. I've made my minimum donation amount, a little short of my personal goal, but I think I'll make it.
I had a good 50 mile ride today. Beautiful weather (although I was skirting a storm), a bit cooler thanks goodness. I've been a bit worried as I got a bit sick. I had an "episode" last Friday that was weird and scary -- several folks, trainers, drs, etc. thought perhaps an insulin reaction. So after not feeling better, a bit woozy, I had a blood test. WooHoo no diabetes!
Last Saturday we rode 100 miles. It was VERY HOT and I struggled quite a bit between weather and not feeling spunky. I did a small ride on Sunday as it was still hot. The Saturday previous we did 100 miles and I followed up with a 50 miler on my own on Sunday. So I was thinking my preparations were going well. I'll ride 50 tomorrow then start to "taper" a bit. Cross your fingers for good weather. Right now calling for a bit cooler (yea!) but raining (boo) due to the Hurricane effect.
Joe does a hard ride on Sunday as well, in advance of the US National Championships. I did the route last year -- Paris Mountain is no walk in the park. He is doing the Stars and Stripes Challenge also for Cancer, and I am sure will have Carl H Chorman on his back like we both did last year.
I think I may cry at some point this weekend. I get goosebumps thinking of all of the people I am riding for, some I know, some I don't. I have heard so many stories since I sent out my letter for Pelotonia. One of my friends donated in the name of 2 different friends who have passed recently. He sent out a note to friends of these 2 for me -- to help get additional donations. The wife of one of them received the e-mail on the 6 month anniversary of her husbands death. She sent a very nice, inspirational note back to Nick to forward on to me. She said PJ would be so proud to have someone riding in his honor since he can't be there to do so himself. Her note made me cry.
I will think of all of them on the ride, and all of their loved ones and what this represents. I will think of Rona fighting cancer for the third time, a cancer that came back far too quickly. I will think of my friends that are survivors, my friends that didn't make it. I will think of all of the stories of friends and loved ones I've heard over the last few months.
I feel a tremendous amount of pressure. I so want to honor the memories, the strong spirits who have fought back and are survivors. I am riding so hopefully the next person we know who gets cancer will have a better chance of survival, better care during, better support after. I am riding so that maybe, just maybe, one person doesn't EVER get cancer that may have otherwise.
I am riding because I am mad and I don't want to feel helpless. I am riding so I can feel like I am doing something, that I am fighting back, that it all can be positive and mean something. I am riding because it just isn't fair, and I know that, and I know there are no promises. But that doesn't mean we have to accept it.
I am riding for Dad. For his death to make a difference.
I am riding for all of us, for all of them. I will not let you down. We will make a difference.
Love your post, your intense desire to make a difference. But remember, God is sovereign, He's in control, He's in charge. We will not, can not completely understand this side of heaven but we can rest, trust, believe God loves His children and that ALL things bring glory to Him. We'll all cry this week as we remember those we've lost. Thanks for making a difference.
ReplyDeleteDon't feel the PRESSURE ~ you have done your part. You have raised cancer awareness and also raised a tremendous amount of money toward research. Now go out in memory of and in honor of your friends and Dad and have FUN. They would all want that of you! See you Friday :-)
ReplyDeleteThank goodness for sisters who level me out! While I try hard to not question, not to get angry at God for what is happening -- I do sometimes wonder and question and get angry -- and I do know, am comforted to know -- that in the end it is all OK. But I also know, feel an obligation to honor the world and trust in what I think God is asking me to do. Well hopefully its God and not me SCREAMING in my own ear again! I will cry, I will be sad and honored and happy and excited (especially since Cindy will be there!) -- and I will have FUN!
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