Like it was Yesterday

I find it hard to write, to talk about it. It's like it was yesterday, but in reality it was 24 years ago. Hard to believe.

I love this picture of us together. I remembered us being closer in age, but as I look at the pictures I realize we were 6 years apart. But we were kindred spirits, alot alike, while different at every turn.

I used to "babysit" Michael, Mark, and Karyn. But as you can see from the first picture, it was more like we played. I adored Michael, his creativity, his playfulness. Yes to an adult I'm sure he was a handful, to me he was an excuse to cut loose and really PLAY!. From the "fort" we built above, to the ramp we made for his dirt bike -- that I promptly flipped over onto my back and knocked the wind out of myself. Some babysitter! Almost had to call 911 for myself!

Michael was also wonderfully athletic, from gymnastics to skiing to just about anything he put his mind to. I remember the story of him breaking his leg skiing. Out on a course alone he went through some moguls, hit them wrong, and ended up with a nasty compound fracture. Then he had to sit there, alone, in the cold and snow, until someone finally found him.

That wasn't the first broken bone of course. Not hard to imagine for a boy of that age, creativity and curiousity. But he was such a joy to be with, to play with, to conspire with.

But then that horrible, horrible accident. I remember Uncle Doug -- he had "fixed" so many bumps and bruises, aches and pains, yet this was one he could not ever fix. And to this day, when I see a Life Flight, my very first thought is of Michael. Always. Every Time. 24 years later.

I remember getting the call. I remember being so worried he may have crashed on the motorcycle scooter I gave him. I remember renting a car, but not being able to drive it to the funeral. I remember sobbing, for weeks and months after. I had relatives die before, but never anyone I loved so very very much.

I have never hurt so much, for so long. I was never so lost, so distraught. I never wanted to care so much again, because I never wanted to hurt like that again. Ever.

I learned alot from the experience, most from my friend Linda Daniel, my mom away from home at Ohio State. But as so many life lessons I am a slow learner, and most of the lessons I was taught I didn't actually "learn" until Dad died.

I wonder, who would he be today? What would he have become? How different would things be? I wonder how families survive such a tragedy, let alone thrive as they have. I wonder how a mother, how a father, continue on, continue being mothers and fathers, sisters and brothers, friends and confidants.

I struggle, to feel this, to make sense of this. I want to, though I know I never can. It seems too simple, too pat, to say God wanted him more, that it was his time. Too easy of answers to too difficult of a question. So I rest knowing I cannot understand in this lifetime and choose not to.

I do understand I lost a great cousin, a great friend, and a piece of myself, that hurts to this day.

I love you Michael -- and I think of you all the time. Thank you -- for all of the gifts you gave in such a short time. Happy Birthday.


In Loving Memory

Michael B. Pomfrey

December 14, 1969 - August 9, 1985