2nd Guess

Have you ever 2nd guessed yourself? Wondered why you said what you did, acted like you did? Why didn't you put it back where you always do -- so it wouldn't be lost? Why did you try to carry everything at once, so that you dropped your favorite glass and broke it? What did you not follow up on that thought, not do what you knew you should have, which would have saved alot of aggravation later? Why? Why?

You may have heard of my neighbors cat Xion. Xion and I are great buddies. He runs out to greet me when I pull my car into my parking spot. He'd chase me to the trash cans, come to the door whenever I opened it. He'd jump into the kitchen window when he wanted to be fed, jump into the other windows to let me know he was out there, to torment Alex. They would "play" through the window -- Alex batting madly at the glass. Alex would chase Xion from inside, from window to window. When they were both outside together Alex basically ignored Xion, but overall they got along pretty well.

Xion way preferred being outside and woudl drive Ashley nuts to go outside. He was very friendly and everyone in the neighborhood knew him. Not everyone appreciated him and thought he should be kept inside more, and felt bad for him. But he really did like being out. And he did really like me, but of course I fed him pretty good food. He'd be quite standoffish with other neighbors, and then run over to me. Once coming home, Ashley was sitting on her back stoop, and Xion ran to me as I got out of the car. She was a bit put off, Xion never ran to greet her! Again, I think I fed him better! But I was probably his best human friend and I did adore him. Ashley was thinking of taking him to a farm where she thought perhaps he'd be happier -- the thought crushed me -- I'd so miss Alex.

Wednesday prior to Christmas I was riding my bike inside and could see him batting Ashley's screen door. I kept meaning to talk to Ashley about grabbing her keys (I'd watched Xion before) so if I got home and it was pouring or cold I could let him in. This day I thought about seeing if she was home to know he wanted in. But I continued riding, showered, packed up, and headed to the frozen tundra for Christmas.

I've never seen Xion since.

Sunday Ashley came over to tell me she hadn't seen him in 2-3 days. I was sick but still looked, followed cat prints, left food out. One day Alex was on my lap and we both thought we saw him in the window -- but the snow had blown 2 perfect circles of snow that mimicked eyes (remember he was all black and hard to see at night) and fooled us. I look every morning, every night, when I come home, when I take the trash out. Even dreamed he jumped into the window!

It was bad timing I'm sure -- being gone then. Perhaps if I was home I'd have seen him, let him in. I don't know what happened, don't think he was hit and he doesn't typically travel far. I think one of the neighbors thought he was stranded outside and had him taken (as several have threatened). I cling to that as I don't want him out in this weather, or hurt. 2 of my 4 year old strays have been coming (although the darn wet food freezes too quickly!) so I know he could survive in this. But if he was close he'd come to see me, he'd jump in the window. But I look -- every day -- and I know the chances of him returning diminish each day.

If only. If only I had knocked, talked with Ashley previously and had her keys so I could let him in, been home. If only.

2nd guesses.

A sad, reflective Alex, missing her bestest friend Xion.

Hiding out, eyeing the birds, waiting for lunch

Hiding in plain sight